Big Bird? Sure, Big Bird has the mentality of a five-year-old, but Big Bird is, you know, big. Big Bird can overwhelm you with size. The same analysis applies to Snuffelupugus. (sp?)
Ernie? He's too much of a prankster. Bert? He's too fussy. Telly? Too neurotic. Count? He'll sink his fangs into your neck and feast on your blood, or so I would imagine if Anne Rice wrote for Sesame Street.
Abby? She'll turn you into a pumpkin. Oscar? Too grouchy. Cookie Monster? Don't get caught between him and a cookie...
No, the least threatening muppet, as poll results and scientific research has shown(1) is Elmo.
Elmo made it big after I stopped watching Sesame Street, but it's hard to live in this country and not be aware of cultural icons like Elmo. His segments on Sesame Street are informative and entertaining. He sings and draws and talks to all his anthropomorphized furniture. He investigates skin or violins or pets or anything that might interest the pre-school set. I wonder if he will investigate boogers one day, as I know that preoccupies my children.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing whatsoever, that is confrontational or threatening concerning Elmo's delivery or discussion of the topic of the day. It is the most entertaining, least frightening environment that television could possibly create. Again, scientific research will back me up on this(2).
Which is why I was startled a few nights ago when my daughter couldn't fall asleep because she was scared. Scared of Elmo.
"Elmo?"
"The Elmo and the sleep is very scary, daddy!" My daughter was sitting up in bed, with her fingers in her mouth - a certain sign that she was anxious. Elmo was thinking about sleep on Sesame Street that day.
"Oh, sweetie, Elmo's not scary, though, right? Remember when he talks about skin? That wasn't scary, right?"
"No..."
I realized that in the abstract, Elmo discussing skin actually sounds weird and threatening in a medieval way. Where does Elmo get the skin he discusses and what does he do with it? Is it a Silence of the Lambs thing? Better move on...
"And Mr. Noodle and his brother Mr. Noodle are funny when they dance, right?"
" ... yeah..."
"So we can think of that instead, right?"
"Yes. Thanks Daddy!"
Anytime, sweetie. That's what I'm here for. I'm thinking of publishing my research. Keep an eye out for the article: "Nameless Elmo Anxiety and Redirection to Happier Elmo Paradigms," in the Southwestern Muppetistics Monthly, May 2011.
(1)Journal of Muppetology, June 2002.
(2)The New England Periodical of Muppetological Research and Discourse, October 2005.
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